theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
