Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Randomize
