I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
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