I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Randomize
