hell yes lets make some ravioli
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
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