I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
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