last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Randomize
