I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Randomize
