I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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