If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Randomize
