Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Randomize
