11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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