I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
