Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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