today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
