what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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