I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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