omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
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