i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Randomize
