All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
This ain't no lie cnn says sonny n cher's dtr chastity is going to have sex reassignment surgery to become a man named chaz
Not surprised. I always thought Cher was a very passable post op transexual.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Randomize
