you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
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