i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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