I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Randomize
