So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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