She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
