so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
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