If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
