first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Randomize
