I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
