dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
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