Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
