Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Randomize
