haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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