It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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