You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
