false alarm. still invincible.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize