I want to walk on stilts...naked
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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