I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Randomize