i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
