I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Randomize
