Please don't use social media to get back at me.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
