dude i'm inner monologue high
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Randomize
