i already hear my dad disowning me
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Randomize
