Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize