So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Randomize