I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize