I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
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