cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
