I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
