is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
