I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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