we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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