thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
there's paper in my vomit.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize
