don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
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