ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
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