babies were throwing up all over the place
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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