I just cut my nipple shaving
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
