Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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