My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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