Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
