guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
