So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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