Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize