I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Randomize
