The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
