a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
