i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Randomize
