I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
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