He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Randomize
