just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
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