Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
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