I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
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