I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Randomize
