HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
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