Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
