Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
