i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Randomize