I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
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