I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Randomize
