mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
