I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
