the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
