That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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